Mostly I’m still confused.

For the past year or so, I have been an extremely confused person. Life after college can be like that, I guess. With the world in a seemingly-endless state of tumult nothing is a given, and some days it seems like occupying Wall St. may indeed be a recent grad’s best option.

Last Fall I applied to 12 law schools, got in to a few, and accepted (and then deferred) admission at two. This past week I visited one of the schools at which I deferred, a reasonably prestigious university on the East Coast. It was lovely, with great resources and an awesome faculty. If I were to go to law school, this would certainly be the place.

But I also realized that law doesn’t light me up. I’m not passionate about it. And so I think I’ve wasted a lot of time following a path that looks good on paper but doesn’t make my heart happy. The past year has been just awful and of course I am still discombobulated. I still don’t know the answer, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t it.

I haven’t formally withdrawn admission or anything yet because in spite of everything I still want to hedge my bets, but I probably will at some point. Even my cousin who works s a prosecutor for the US Attorney’s office (i.e. total legal badass) said that it’s ok for me to not go to law school. In fact, that’s what he’s been telling me all along.

Right now I am absolutely terrified of what comes next, but I’m also pretty excited. A PhD in history might be on the horizon, chock full of cool things like gender and sexuality and radicalism and shit that happened a long time ago. I think it will be good.

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